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Why do we so often focus on our 'failures' for the week?

Why do we so often focus on our 'failures' for the week?

By Clare Sultmann

Expectations. We all have them. Some more so than others, but in most cases, we have higher expectations of ourselves than others. Why is that?

Recently I was chatting to a woman who is, by all means, an all-round superstar. Disclaimer is that she is a friend of mine, but if you put her resume out to the general public, I think we’d all be in agreement. She’s a working mum, an international sportsperson and manages the marketing for a worldwide company. She manages travel, 2 young kids and her career remarkably well all the while being an advocate and poster girl for eating and living clean.

Sounds like she has it all sorted and let's be frank, she has a lot to concern herself with and occupy her time and her headspace. The other day however when I was chatting to her, I innocently asked how her weekend was. She replied in no uncertain terms that she had spent most of Saturday morning in floods of tears.

The reason wasn’t because she had rushed a sick child to the hospital, had been sacked or even had hurt herself in some capacity. Her house hadn’t burnt down and neither she or any of her loved ones had been involved in an accident. She was in tears simply because she accidentally stuffed up venues for her son’s soccer game and so he missed his match. She was beside herself that she had let her son down, that she had dared to make a mistake.

She was re-telling the story to me and another friend. We actually started to laugh out loud as she was giving us the run down. You see it was so ludicrous that she would be so upset about something so insignificant. That she would fret and put herself through so much, simply because of such a minor occurrence. As I said to her: 'Your son won’t even remember that match come next week. There will be something else to focus on'. ‘Let it go’ as Elsa would sing was what I suggested to her.

But here’s the kicker and I thought about it afterwards. Women often do beat themselves up about what they haven’t achieved rather than what they have actually accomplished. My friend probably completed a hundred tasks successfully that week and the one minor thing she failed at, she focused on. And we are all guilty of it. We often do focus on the negatives, on the non-accomplished tasks, of the things on the ‘to do’ list that we never got around to doing. And quite frankly, it’s stupid. We should at the end of every day pat ourselves on the back for a job well done. It’s never easy and most women at most times have many balls in the air that they are required to juggle. It’s a balancing act and we don’t always get it right, but at the end of the day, at least we are out on the beam having a go and doing our best.

Clare Sultmann

Clare Sultmann is a wife, mother of 3 and the founder of Dear Molly. As a survivor of a catastrophic accident, former barrister at law, published author, and nationally accredited mediator Clare has returned to work in a different capacity. Relocating to Noosa shortly after the birth of her first child, Clare found it difficult to make meaningful and real connections with other like-minded women away from her own network of friends. With this in mind, Clare’s idea was born. Dear Molly aims to provide connections for like-minded women in a real, meaningful and positive manner. It a platform to share, communicate and inspire other women about their ‘real’ life.

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