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Does the ghost of friendships past haunt us?

Does the ghost of friendships past haunt us?

By Anonymous Contributor

It’s not rocket science. When we begin a new relationship we often don’t want to socialise or interact with our new partners ‘old’ friends. You know, the ones that he and his ex were so close with. It makes us uncomfortable and reminds us that he (or she) did in fact have a life before we were a part of it. We are often scared of the judgement, scared that we will be compared to the ex (and not in a favourable way) or just downright keen to start afresh. It’s a selfish tactic but it’s a human one and let's face it, we’re all human and often the high road is just a little too hard to take.  

Similarly, on the flip side, often we do not want our friends to interact with our ex-partner. Recently I was speaking to a friend of mine who said that every time her husband’s mate broke up with a girl, he banished his friends from talking to her. The guy was a bit of a, how should we say ‘player’ and so the list was a long one. My friend joked that her husband just had to walk down the street and would inevitably have to avoid some woman because she was the ex of his mate and he wasn’t ‘allowed’ to socialise with her. Sounds pretty dumb to me. I mean surely, as mature adults, we should not care with whom our friends interact. It has nothing to do with us, but why then can we become so protective and unreasonable when dealing with ex-partners and the trials and tribulations that surround them?

But here’s the thing. Whether or not you are trying to avoid the ex’s old friends or protesting that your friends can’t converse with your ex-partner, you are doing yourself and your new relationship damage. It may not be visible straight away. It may in fact be a slow-burning candle, but believe me, no-one will thank you for it. Not your new partner or your old friends. People don’t like to be controlled. Ok, let me rephrase that. Most people don’t like to be controlled, dictated to, told whom they can and can’t see. It simply doesn’t resonate well and the only person you will end up hurting and ultimately isolating is yourself. So chin up, buck up and put up. You may not like the company, you may not like the fact that your friends like and see your ex, but for your sake, in these instances, take the hard but high road. You’ll be better off for it.

Anonymous Contributor

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