Dial down the motherhood mindset

By Jo

Think of your life and now think of your friendships. Think of your inner circle.

I guess you would think you know a lot about your friends and you probably do. I certainly feel that I know my friends, but how well do you really know them?

Ask yourself these questions: 

• How long was your friend breast fed?
• Were they breast fed at all?
• Did they have a bottle and for how long?
• Did they sleep through the night at eight weeks of age or eight years of age? Or ever?
• Were they a fussy eater or would they eat anything and everything
• Did they have a dummy and for how long?
• Did they have a blanky and when did this stop?
• When did the learn to speak and did they have speech therapy?
• Did they walk at 10 months or two years?
• Did they sit up at four months or 10 months? 
• Did they ever watch TV prior to school age?
• Did their mother go to work or did she stay at home...or both?
• Did they sleep in a cot or with their mummy?
• At what age did your friend learn to read and what reading level were they at by the end of Grade 1?
• At what age were they toilet trained - Two, three, four, five?
• Did they wet the bed and when did that stop?

The next time you are being judged either by a stranger, social media, another mother (even your own or mother-in-law) start asking them the above questions. I bet they wouldn’t know the answers and think it's strange to even ask.

We need to stop the motherhood pressure cooker. Not every choice you make is going scar your little one and ruin their future.

The fact that you care enough to worry is a good thing but don't worry too much and don't change your motherhood habits/choices because someone else feels you should. 

I remember a friend saying to me 'I think it's hideous that my husband’s mother had him sleeping with her until he was four!'

She felt this was 'disgusting and detrimental' to his development.

Now, this husband of hers (who happens to be gorgeous as well...lucky friend!) runs a very successful business, is an extremely dedicated family man, loyal and a great provider. 

This friend of mine loves him completely and sings his praises all the time. So why does it matter to her that he slept with his mum until he was four? She married him, he’s a good man and turned out just fine. 

Just stop and know in your heart you are doing the best you can and be kind to mums who make decisions that may not be the same as yours.

It's okay to have a different approach to motherhood. The world would be so boring if we all did the same thing at the same time.

You are doing a great job.

As a mother of three boys who are completely different personalities and skill sets, don't judge me. 

And you know what...I don't let other opinions affect my decisions now, but yes I did for a while with my first. 

And PS...I had had my first born off the dummy way too soon, breast fed when I didn't like it for too long due to pressure, paid for 'food therapy', plus he was in and out of my bed for years when I would have slept all night if he was with me.

What I have learned is to not worry about the milestones as I know they all get there (some sooner than others). 

Written by Jo
Mother of 3 boys, Brisbane